my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
