I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
