the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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