Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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