So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
