I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
