I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
