Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
