O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
