Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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