I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
