WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
