If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
