I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
