Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
