There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
