Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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