You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
