WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
