Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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