the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
