I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
