does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
