i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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