I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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