i would punch a child for taco bell
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
