drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
