first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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