please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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