i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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