This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
