For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
