Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
