Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
