I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
