she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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