Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
