38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I looked at my own cervix.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
