remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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