Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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