apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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