I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
