Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The adults are the big ones right?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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