I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
