Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
