You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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