Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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