Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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