I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
