Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
