She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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