True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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