I wish my penis had an off switch
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
