I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
