Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
