Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I smell like Dick and happiness
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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