Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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