Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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