At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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