my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
