I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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