i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
