We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Farmville is her only friend.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You took a bar mat shot.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
