I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
