wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
