okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
