ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
