I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
