I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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