you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
