I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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