You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
