I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
